Dating men too nice
I used to work in a women's domestic violence shelter, so when I talk about how being too nice can ruin your relationship, I feel those women staring me down from their cots as they wished they had that problem. Believe it or not, a lot of couples have problems that stem from being too nice. I studied healthy relationships in-depth and talked with countless couples about how to make their relationships stronger, both as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and as a Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator. There are many different ways to be in an unhealthy relationship, and not all of them are centered around abuse, or even negativity, for that matter.More specifically, those problems are usually about a fear of losing, disappointing, or upsetting the person they love so much.Unfortunately, as the saying goes, if you want to make an omelette, you gotta break a few eggs. If your partner is always on the sunny side of life, there could be some denial happening. Especially when one partner is going through something terrible.Or, if you want to be in a healthy relationship, sometimes you have to go to uncomfortable, sad, angry, or disappointed places. "Controlling our feelings is a form of self-manipulation that we perform in an effort to control others' responses to us in the hopes of winning their approval or minimizing the chances of them feeling hurt, angry, or displeased with us" according to Linda and Charlie Bloo M in an article for Psychology Today.That's not to say you should get mean or stop caring so much about your partner. Sometimes, the right thing to do is let the terribleness wash over your partner and just be understanding.But if you're doing any of these things below, you might want to have some #realtalk with your partner about how they feel, then maybe tone it down a tad. If you're really going to connect on an intimate level, you have to both let your guard down at from time to time. I know you only want me to take those vitamins because you love me, but I don't want to take them and you can't make me.
My partner likes to ask me if I've done these things a thousand times a week. If you do it too much and too often, it can make your partner feel like child. You can't force health foods, you can't make make someone wear mittens when it's cold, and you can't exclude them from big decisions because you think you know what's best. W., in an article for Psychology Today, pointed out that we need to have a partner who sees our quirks, vulnerable areas, and unique attributes (both good and bad) and loves us for them. You have to be in an equal partnership, emotionally as well as in terms of power and responsibility.She only asks me these things so much because she cares about me, and you or your partner probably have the same motivation to care for each other. That's not a true, equal partnership, that's a scenario where you're trying to be in control, even if your intentions are loving and sincere. When two people spend a lot of time together, they're going to disagree. If you consciously never disagree with your partner, you're basically setting up a relationship in which your partner is always right.But when you're constantly checking up on your partner, there can be an unspoken undercurrent of distrust. People pleasing can mean all kinds of things, from never saying no to doing more than your fair share of the housework without complaining. Not only will it create a burden of a situation that's hard for your partner to live up to, but it will fill you with regret, unfulfilled desires, and resentments.If you're justifying being a people pleaser by telling yourself that you're just spoiling your partner, you'll soon come to realize that you're actually setting up expectations that will lead to resentments and anger. Disagreements don't have to be scary, terrible messes with some good communication skills and some patience.When you never make it about you, it's never about you. They're an essential part of all healthy relationships.